3 Lessons From Cancer

By: Carla Lara

On May 6, 2024 I got the phone call that changed the course of my life. The ‘cyst’ I had removed a few weeks prior was actually a malignant tumor. It was identified as CIC DUX4 rearranged sarcoma.

It started as a pea-sized lump in the soft part of my right upper thigh. It began to grow rapidly so I opted to have it surgically removed. Thankfully it was removed before it could spread. Due to the aggressive (and often deadly) nature of this type of cancer, I still had to undergo 17 cycles of chemotherapy, 5 weeks of radiation, and another surgery, in total about a year of treatment.

I was already on my inner healing journey and thought I was doing something wrong because I’d acquired a new illness. What initially looked like a step back turned out to be many steps forward. These are some of the takeaways from the most painful year of my life.

6/11/2024

Shortly after I was diagnosed

1. If You Don’t Make Time for Yourself, Your Body Will Force You to

I always had a habit of putting myself last. From simple things like daily self care to bigger things like considering what I want to do with my life. I had so much faith in ‘someday’. Someday would finally arrive and I would have the time and ability to do the things for myself that I wasn’t doing presently.

But that meant I wasn’t really living. I was depending on this future heaven and had no real way of getting there. Being diagnosed with cancer forced me to stop everything I was doing.

I finally had all the time I had hoped ‘someday’ would hold and for the first time in my life I asked myself: what do I want from life? I began soul searching and got honest with myself. Today, I am grateful for my diagnosis because I would never have taken the time to get to know myself otherwise.

At the time I considered my cancer a gift because I didn’t have to go to work or do much of anything for that matter. Always the workaholic, I never knew the importance of time off. Even throughout my ectopic pregnancy I never took more than a few days off at a time. After being off work for a few weeks it occurred to me just how burnt out I was, and how little I knew about how to heal from it.

This wasn’t the first time this happened to me, either. About 5 years prior I was overworking myself and doing poorer and poorer mentally. I was eventually diagnosed with bipolar disorder amongst other things and needed 3 months off for mental health treatment. In retrospect, I can see a similar pattern/cycle.

6/19/24

My first cycle of chemotherapy

2. How to Love and Care for Myself

I experienced many complications from chemotherapy and radiation so I needed to prioritize my self care. I always thought self care was buying myself whatever I wanted, eating whatever I wanted, a reward for hard work, etc. Turns out it was more like simplifying my life, taking time to rest, and intentional movement.

I realized that, for me- the simpler the better, quality over quantity. I discovered how much I love plain ol’ walking and that I didn’t need more things added to my life. What I really needed was to subtract a lot of the ‘stuff’ cluttering my life and increase the quality of what was left. The same went for my nutrition and hygiene.

After a few months of focusing on my self care, the feeling of self love hit me out of the blue. I had never felt that way about myself. I realized that self care wasn’t something that was conditional or only done on the weekends. I learned to love myself by developing a sense of trust in myself. And I did that by consistently meeting my needs, whatever they happened to be.

Outside of physical self care, I embraced the idea of ‘un-becoming all that I am not’. The longer I was off work the tighter our finances became and many of the comforts I had once identified with were no longer feasible (retail therapy, fashion, expensive subscriptions, courses, etc). I thought that as I lost those things I would lose myself too, but it turned out that I wasn’t any of those things. And as I continued to un-become all that I was not, I discovered more of the true me.

10/20/24

Almost done with radiation!

3. Acceptance and Finding the Bright Side of Any Situation

After my first 2 cycles of chemotherapy, my tumor was still growing. I really thought I was a goner. Having to confront my mortality made me decide that I wasn’t going to be sad and angry for the rest of my (possibly very short) life. I figured that coming to a place of acceptance of my situation would allow me to be able to find the positives. And I did. Even though I was in pain, weak, and sick all the time I still laughed, prayed, and maintained a positive outlook on life.

A few weeks before my diagnosis, I had taken Step 3 in my 12 step program: handed over my life and will to the care of GOD as I understood him. I believed it was no coincidence that this was happening to me and was able to see this season of my life as an answered prayer. I had been praying for some time for help becoming the best version of myself, “even if it’s hard” (be careful what you ask for, LOL!)

My most painful days of treatment were also my most peaceful. In the worst of my weakness, pain, and debilitating fatigue I never felt more at peace with everything exactly as it is. I have never been more aware of the eternal, loving presence of God. I even called those agonizing moments ‘my secret bliss’ because when others saw me unable to get out of bed, I only saw the love, kindness, and glory of God. I recognized that the Kingdom of Heaven is right here always, even if we aren’t always aware of it.

7/29/25

Rang the bell to symbolize finishing chemotherapy

Today, I still consider my cancer diagnosis a gift. It was the portal that led me to discover love for myself, which is something I had never experienced and may not have had I not lived through this. It gave me the time I had desperately prayed for to find myself and gain a new perspective on life. Against the odds, I remain cancer free and hope to help others find the lessons in their own healing journeys.