Wednesday June 18, 2025

On May 6, 2024 I received a phone call that completely changed the course of my life. A few weeks prior, I had had a minor surgery to remove what was believed to be a small cyst. It was, in fact, a very rare and aggressive soft tissue sarcoma(CIC DUX4 sarcoma). While my mind was racing, I knew deep down that this was an opportunity. Due to the aggressive nature of this type of cancer, I would need to undergo an entire year of chemotherapy. Soon after my first session, I was left unbearably exhausted, in pain, and weak. No longer could I put my family’s needs before my own. No longer could I ignore my own needs, big or small. In fact, my needs demanded my attention on a daily basis. There were no “to-do’s” that I could busy myself with to keep ignoring the crying out of my soul within me. I wish I could say that I immediately jumped at the opportunity to love myself and care for myself but it wasn’t that easy for me. As a mother, I’d been programmed to believe that focusing on my own needs was selfish. Needless to say, the cancer diagnosis lit a fire under my ass to heal those ingrained & harmful beliefs.

All I did to officially begin this journey was decide that I would begin it and then think about it. I spent a lot of time in contemplation and consideration. In contemplation, we can ponder the “what-if’s” from a safe distance. We can take our time weighing options or imagine something completely different. Not to be confused with overthinking, in contemplation we invite an idea to tea and rest with it. We can try on different styles and sizes of dreams and “break them in” like a fresh pair of shoes. It was in contemplation that I allowed myself to wonder what it might be like if I loved myself.

Do you struggle with putting others needs before your own?

Do you have a desire to love yourself?

Does the prospect of a self-love journey overwhelm you?

I invite you to just think about it and allow yourself to imagine how lovely your life could be if the war in your head were over.